Please note that the persons responsible for this literary travesty were Ed Willett (in a team by himself), Kevin Weir and Katie Harse, and Steve Swanson and David Worsick. Congratulations, everyone.

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THE VELOCIRAPTURE

The velociraptor raptly watched the velocipede rapidly wobbling down the vellum-covered roadway, licking its lips in anticipation of the veloci-repast it would enjoy when the velocipede crashed.

“Puce!” the velociraptor swore (for velociraptors swear using colorful words like that) when the velocipede’s velocity suddenly increased; his victim had seen him!

Just then the mysterious liquid in the lake at the end of the vellum-covered roadway began to effervesce.

“Martin! EEEEE!” screamed the boy on the velocipede, and from the bubbling lake rose a giant bearded head. (martini)

The velocipede hit the lake, the boy was catapulted into the beard of Martin’s giant head, and the velociraptor’s dream of turning the scene into a slaughterhouse died with a muttered, “Magenta!”

Things had not, however, ended happily ever after as a yawning cerulean vortex appeared in the effervescent lake, and Martin and the boy were pulled under the chartreuse waters with a hideous sucking sound.

Martin and his new companion found themselves in an upside-down world, colorless and so, as is well known, humorless.

“You petty, coat-dragging excuse of a theropodic meat-grinder,” shouted Martin, his maple leaf colored face displaying his rage, “I’ll blacken your gullet with bile for this!” (petticoat)

The object of his rage was a very small man in a gray suit, who blinked mildly at Martin and said, “I warned you when I asked you to co-sign the velociraptor’s deal with Satan that if you thwarted his appetite I would drag you into the underworld and harvest your soul.” (cosine)

At which point the boy leaped out of Martin’s beard and shouted, “Get thee behind me, Satan’s banker!”

And so pure was his soul that all concerned were transported to heaven on the spot.

THE END